Y’all. Time for some hard truth. Since dad passed, I have not been consistent with my quiet time. I took dad’s death hard. Harder than I expected. And the frustrating part is that even two years later I am still struggling. There are days when I think I’m finally coming out of this hole and then there are days where I feel so deep in the pit that I can’t see the light.
After dad died, I quit church. I quit reading the bible. I quit listening to worship music. I quit all things God. I cringe as I write this. I mean isn’t a follower of Christ supposed to cling to Christ during the hard times? Shouldn’t we read the bible more, seek him more and rely on Him? That wasn’t the case for me. I put up a wall and turned my back. I was mad. Upset at God because I felt that He didn’t answer my prayer.
It was hard to finally admit that I was mad at Him. But after I did I began to feel like a cloud was lifting. A friend invited me to join a bible study group in her home. I almost passed on the opportunity, but I felt that something was telling me it was the right time. God used this bible study to remind me of His truths and most importantly His love for me. I quit Him, but He NEVER quit me. I was angry at Him, but His love never wavered for me. He gave me time, He let me grieve, but I knew in my heart He was calling me back. Back to Him. Back to His Word.
Joseph and I decided it was time to get back in church. Not only for us, but for our children. It was also time for us as a family to put Christ first in our lives and to seek Him each day.
She Reads Truth was introduced to me by that same friend who invited me to the bible study. I love it because I can go to the website and read the devotion of the day. It’s been a great transition to get back in the Word. They also have He Reads Truth for the guys.
Am I consistent? I’m trying to be. I fail just like you. But the desire is there and after over a year of not having the desire-I am thankful for it.
On Sunday at church I was reminded of God’s love and how His love for me and for you is never-ending. We don’t have to do anything to earn His love. He loves us just as we are and nothing we do can separate us from His love. Y’all. Nothing we do. Nothing. Let that sink in. Can you even begin to comprehend how great His love is for us? I know I can’t!
Is my heart still broken? Yes. Am I still angry? No. I am choosing to trust in God’s love for me. I’m choosing to trust just like my dad did until he took his last breath. And I’m choosing to embrace God’s grace and His love for me.
I hope you can do the same today because God loves you too my sweet friend.
Thank You Lord for Grace!