Y’all! I found my old blog! It goes back 10 years!! So crazy and so much fun to go back and see all the memories. Today’s Throwback is from 2014! You can see the original post here, but I’ve also copied and pasted it below. I hope y’all have a GREAT Thursday!
“When I obsess over things out of my control, it makes me act out of control. A much better place to park my mind is to look for God’s protection, provision, and lessons on perseverance in the midst of whatever I’m facing.”
This quote could not have come at a better time in my life. As 2014 began, Joseph and I were faced with some hard decisions. Decisions that I don’t want to make because they are not exactly what I had planned for MY life.
On Friday as Joseph and I talked, I found myself becoming more and more bitter. I was angry and upset and didn’t want to look at the “bright side.” I wanted to drown my sorrows and cry “woe is me.” What I really wanted to do was soaked in a hot bath, close the door and stay there. Instead, I spent most of the day angry and wanting to cry.
I knew all of the right answers. I knew what the Bible says and what God’s promises are. Trust in God, He is faithful, He will never leave you or forsake you, He is an ever-present help…. Yes I knew all that, but at that moment I did not want to hear those answers. I wanted to be mad.
As Joseph and I talked he reminded me of a Beth Moore quote that a couple of months ago I had shared with him. She said that people aren’t looking to see how we act when we have it all together. People are looking to see how we act when we don’t have it all together. I politely told him that people were going to have to look away, because at the moment I didn’t care. Ouch, thinking back on that hurts my heart.
I spent most of the weekend trying to be angry with God. Asking the “why me” questions and telling him this wasn’t fair. I wanted so hard to be mad and give him the silent treatment. But it was hard, it was as if my soul wouldn’t let me be mad at God. So I quietly told Him, “I wasn’t ready to “talk” about it yet.”
On Sunday we went to church and the Sunday school lesson was so appropriate for what we are going through. It was harder to hear because of course Joseph was teaching, but even he was comforted with the fact that God knew we would need this that day. I tried my best to not let the lesson touch my heart. I wasn’t ready to “deal” with it yet, but I couldn’t fight it. Outside I was fighting, but inside I could feel my heart changing.
As we sang “How Great Thou Art” my heart could not refuse to worship. It was in my soul, in my innermost being…that desire to worship Him because He is great. The message went right along as Dr. Bob talked on prayer and I felt my heart soften more.
As we went home, I apologized to Joseph for my attitude over the past few days. God reminded me that no matter how hard I try to push Him away, I can’t because He lives in me. His Spirit dwells in my soul and I can not bear the thought of life without Him. My mind was flooded with memories of the past. Memories of God’s provision in our lives. Memories of times when I didn’t know how I would get through, but God brought me through. Times that were painful, full of heartache, but God was ever so constant. Why should now be any different? Why, after living all those memories, should I doubt or not want to trust and believe that He has a plan?
I’ll tell you why. Because it’s not the way I planned it. You read that right. I didn’t plan this, I didn’t see this coming, I didn’t want this. But does this make me less blessed? Does this change the fact that God is faithful and worthy of my trust? Absolutely not.
I am thankful that He gave me the time I needed to be mad. To be angry and to try my best to ignore Him. Because it reminded me that life without Him makes no sense. Without Him, there is no hope.
On our way home, I told Joseph that my soul couldn’t bear being mad at God. And that no matter how much I tried, my soul ached for His comfort. This reminded me of Mary, in Luke 1:46-49
And Mary said: “My soul magnifies the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant;
For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.
For He who is mighty has done great things for me,
And holy is His name.”
You see, Mary had hopes and dreams. Those hopes and dreams I can assure you were not what God had in store for her. Yet she put aside her own desires and chose to join God on an unforgettable journey.
Her soul magnified the Lord and her spirit rejoiced. My favorite part of the passage is when she says, “For He who is mighty has done great things for me, and Holy is His name.” Mary’s dreams were changed, but I would bet you she has no regrets. She has no regrets because she chose to take on God’s promises and trust in God, her Savior.
Maybe you are going through a time where your hopes and dreams seem to be put on hold. Or you are standing in pieces of those hopes and dreams that have shattered before your very eyes. Maybe it seems as if you will never achieve what you set out to do. Or maybe you feel that God has you on this rollercoaster and is completely changing the direction you were travelling on. Your head and your mind are spinning and your heart is aching because you just want to shout. “BUT Lord, this is not what I had planned! This is not the way I wanted my life to be! Yes I love you, yes I trust you, yes I know you are faithful, but I am just not ready for this Lord!!” And He whispers, “I will carry you. You don’t have to do a thing but trust and I will carry you.”
God has taken Joseph and I on a crazy journey over the past year. And from the looks of it, we are only beginning. These decisions I speak of are private at the moment. But they will change what we call “normal” right now. These decisions make me want to throw a huge tantrum and act a fool, but instead I am choosing to come back to the only ONE who has never failed me, who will always be there and never leave me.
Are you running? Are you so mad you can’t stand it? All I can say is stop. Stop running, stop trying to stay mad at God and just REST and place your hope in Him. Stop obsessing over what is out of your control and start relying on Him. Remind yourself of every single time He has come through for you. I promise you, you will never run out of memories of those times. Stop running and hand it over to the One who loves you more than anyone else in this world. And when you do, you will quit trying to do everything in your power to control the situation and you will be able to rest. He will bring you rest.